Sunday, February 27, 2011

"Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant"

The above title is a quote from my homegirl E. Dickinson, who is basically saying one of the most important things a guy should keep in mind while he is around a woman.

Men can often feel like they're walking on eggshells around a woman's feelings or stepping all over them because they don't understand how deeply they can hurt. Guys seem to think that honesty is the best policy is always the right answer...sounds moral enough to be right after all.

And like Emily should be honest...but you should also be tactful. Honesty is really an art to those who understand what people want to hear, and if you're about to say the real honest blunt truth...the way you said it in your head...she's gonna hear something way worse than you intended.

Let's look at some delicate situations:

She says: "Babe...I love this dress, do you like it? Do you think I can pull it off?"

Now you don't have to lie if you don't like it, but it's better to be sensitive to your girl's body. So a good answer might be something like "Well you always look good in anything you wear, but I personally like when you wore (insert favorite dress or outfit), it makes your (insert sexy bodypart) look hot."

But what if she persists and asks: "So.....are you saying you don't like it?"

Ahh so typical... many women will dig and dig at you until you say what you're REALLY thinking. So what's your strategy? Kill her with kindness...and eventually she will drop it. So an acceptable response could be "No, I think it's a cool dress, but it doesn't really sing to me like your other ones do." The point is to accentuate the positive and your opinion will look like more of a compliment than anything else.

Here's another scenario that you should approach similarly:

She looks at herself in the mirror and you are in the room. She says out loud: "Ugh...I think i've gained like 10 pounds...gross."

So maybe this statement is fairly accurate...and your girl has acquired some love chub. Here's three things you shouldn't do:
1. Agree with her and chime in on the pity party
because she'll think wow what an asshole!
2. Blatantly lie and tell her she's super skinny
because your trustworthiness will come into question
3. Pretend you didn't hear and say nothing
because she'll fill in the blanks with: omg i'm such a huge cow that he can't even lie to me.

The way you approach this one is a bit tricky, but you're going to have to again accentuate the positive and downplay her negative vibes. A good and quick response to this is "Oh stop, you know you're beautiful."This says two things: I think you're beautiful and you should think so too. What's even better about this answer is she can't over analyze what you're saying...because it's so to the point. And if she persists and looks at you like she wants you to just agree with can just repeat that quote over and over till she exhausts herself :)

She says: "So what do you think of my family/friends?"
Now if you answer wrong, things could get pretty ugly (if your opinion isn't exactly what she was hoping for). Always remember that her family/friends have been there longer than you have, so don't openly diss her clan at any point. If she says things about her little brother that are not so nice, that doesn't mean she's okay with you saying it...don't assume you have any room to talk negatively about the people she loves most. Now if you need to bring something up, it's best to say how you feel, but don't use absolutes, give the person in question the benefit of the doubt...let's use an example of how this can best be handled:

Wrong Convo:
You: You were right about your brother...he is kind of a d**k
Her: He's not a d**k...he was just kidding with you
You: Yeah well he should treat the guy you're seeing better...
Her: You're being too sensitive...

Vibe: Totally awkward! You just put her in a weird position against her brother. She loves the both of you...but when it's him against're probably going to lose.

Much Better Convo:
You: Does your brother give every guy who likes you a hard time or am i just special?
Her: What do you mean?
You: I don't know...I feel like he was picking on me a little :( Does he like me?
Her: Of course he just got to give him a little time :)

Vibe: Aww...she feels bad that you didn't get a good impression of her brother. Maybe she'll have a talk with him, so next time you'll get a better impression!

She says: Is something wrong? You're acting a little distant today...
Now if something is wrong, you should definitely say so. In fact, it's best to express what's bothering you asap so it doesn't build up and turn into a scary, mean avalanche of everything that is wrong with your relationship or with her. It's always best to talk things out and approach what may seem scary with kindness and understanding. But here's the exception...if you're breaking up with her, blunt honesty is actually a good thing. There's no need to console her with a promise of a phone call just to be nice, because that will only cause confusion and more hurt in the end. All that is required is an honest, heartfelt explanation for why your relationship is not working out...nothing you do or say will make it easier for her, so there is no need for empty remarks.

The truth hurts...but we all need to know it!
Thanks for reading <3 :)
p.s. big thanks to the beautiful girly who let me take this pic ^


  1. This is great. Made me laugh!!

  2. omg!!! i love love love this!! i can't believe i JUST read it!!! :)

    p.s.thanks for taking the picture love!!! :)

  3. So complimentary! Thank you to the both of you :)