Wednesday, April 13, 2011

How to Get Over A Breakup

If you've ever broken up with someone or been broken up with, you have a good sense of what the end of the world feels like, at least for a couple of days or weeks. The internal dialogue of what went wrong seems to never end, that and our obsession of what our now ex is thinking, doing, and feeling. All breakups are different, but we all know they suck like nothing else has sucked before. So when I was at my lowest, here are some things that helped me find the light at the end of the tunnel:

1. Hanging out with Family/Friends - as much as you want to roll up into a little ball in your bed all day and disappear, you inflict more suffering on yourself than you need to. Be around people who care about you and love you as much as you can, they will help you through it and make you realize that breakups can actually be a blessing in disguise. One of the most memorable things my older cousin said to me is "You know you've found the right person when it just works. So easy you don't even have think about it kind of works!" I don't know why I found that so comforting, but It was one of the best things i've ever heard. I knew what she meant, and I knew I didn't have it with my ex.

2. Reading blogs/forums/books about how to get over breakups - when I was broken up with, I felt like I was the most unluckiest, unlovable person in the world. Why would something so terrible happen to me? I don't know what karmic event in the past is rearing its ugly head in my love life! And then I began to read...and I realized not only am I not alone...but I am freaking lucky that my breakup was not THAT bad. Some of the stories you read are incredibly heartless...I wondered how those people didn't collapse from all the pain they must have felt. I strongly recommend this book to you, if you are having trouble getting over a breakup: "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt...seriously one of the best books to read, it's not only funny, it's ridiculously true and you will find yourself moving on even faster with it than without it.

3. Exercise - do not dive into a chocolate abyss and drown yourself with 5 pints of ice cream! Get your ass to the gym and take your pain out on the treadmill/weights/punching bags or whatever else you have at your disposal. Once you get a challenging workout routine going, you will feel better than you have ever felt with or sans boyfriend/girlfriend. If you have no motivation to go, just think of running into your ex down the line...and what you want them to feel when they see how amazing you're looking these days. Whoops...they f***ked up...too bad, so sad...*yawn* you're too over it.

4. Play with kids - that may sound like the last thing you want to do, but hanging out with your nieces/nephews/little cousins can be an amazing distraction in how you're feeling. I helped chaperone an aquarium field trip with my little nephew, and the silly things kids say along with the sweetness they show you can really bring you back to your innocent time where hormones weren't an issue, just plenty of wonderment and carefree smiles. I definitely appreciated it :)

5. You are Single...Let Him/Her GO - trying to be "just" friends with an ex is next to just stop. Somehow we rationalize that we cannot live without this person in our lives...but the harsh reality is that we need to and the awesome reality is that we CAN. "Friendships" with our exes can lead to drawn out awkwardness and misunderstandings of feelings that really do more harm than good. I'm not saying it doesn't happen successfully in some cases, but all attachments to that person romantically have to be thrown away and burned before that can really happen. And let's face it...after a breakup, you are pouring a heap of salt on that wound if you continue to keep in contact.

6. Throw your memories in the closet - or somewhere you can't easily get to! This to me, was probably the WORST part of a breakup. Because every happy memory you've created with your ex comes back and screams in your face (much like a howler) and the nostalgia can make you nauseous. And though you can't control a lot of it, it does help to take everything that reminds you of your ex and just shove it into somewhere you won't look (or burn it...whatever). I personally think that when I'm an old lady, those memories will be funny ones, so I like to keep my lil sentiments to remember what it was like to be young.

Chances are, if you're reading my blog, you are a young, sexy, super-confident spring chicken that has all the time in the world to find that special someone. The truth is you don't need anyone but yourself, and if you can love yourself more than any other person, the perfect person will love you the same way... and're ex wasn't your perfect person (or else they wouldn't be your ex) :)

Much <333 to the achey breaky hearts out there,
call me up and we'll party...i'm way funner than you're ex, I promise :)