Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Slow it Down Gentleman...There's no Rush

So you found a woman you really like, and you can't help it...you are head over heels for her! She's got the whole package: looks, funny, smart, confident, giving...just plain amazing. All you want to do is spend time with her, talk with her, be in this woman's presence...it's all new and exciting...blah blah blah.

Please Romeo,

Slow your roll and open your eyes. It's great that you're getting excited about seeing us, don't get me wrong--but we can sense when you're laying the love on too strong. And the bad thing is, we women know we shouldn't take what men say to heart, but some things carry more weight than you think.

In my girlfriends' and my own experience with men, we see that men tend to rush relationships...and then freak themselves out. I know many women that have gone through this, and ended up hurt and confused in the end. 

So my plead to men is this: If you really like this woman, then spare her the future talk if you don't really mean it. I can't tell you how many times guys do this within the first few months. Even if it seems innocent enough to say...you're better off not saying it. 

Well why not? You might ask....and to that I say, have you ever had a "psycho/clingy/pushy" ex, where you didn't understand why they all of a sudden changed on you? If that's you, then you probably want to listen up...

Here are some things to consider:

1. If you're itching to introduce her to your family...make sure you're doing it because you are SERIOUS about her. For women, this is a big gesture, don't use this one unless you are ready for a long term commitment.

2. Don't hint at marriage in the beginning of a relationship. I know some of you just can't help yourselves and the other ones are puzzled by this statement, but it's very important that you don't do this. Women read into everything guys say...EVERYTHING. We remember the way you said it, what time you said it, what you were wearing when you said it etc. The marriage topic should only come up when you are really considering it, any other time is just misleading.

3. Do NOT say I love you, when you don't mean it...period. Even if she says it first and is waiting for your response, it's better to say "I really like you, which doesn't mean I won't love you, it just means I haven't gotten there yet." There is nothing more insulting to a woman than a man who professes his love too soon and without care. We understand that it takes time....really we do, so be honest.

4. If you feel like the spark is fading, and you're just not excited as you used to be about your partner, then by all means bow out of the relationship....sooner rather than later. If you care about this person, it's best to end things before it gets too messy. Sometimes men let their relationships drag on longer than they're supposed to, and start to act distant and indifferent towards the woman they used to shower so much attention on. 

5. Lastly and most importantly, if you feel like you're willing to go the distance with this girl. Delay the part you want most, because we know that once we let you hit that home run, things are inevitably going to change. If you think they won't or haven't...you're kidding yourself. And maybe it doesn't change for the guy, but for most warm blooded women, sex with the man you're in love with hits pretty deep.

I don't think men intentionally try to mislead women into thinking more about a new relationship, but the fact is that they do! Women are made to consider every angle of their lover, and we take what you say and do to heart. If you wanna let you're lady know you're crazy about her, just say so, there's no need  to drop the big L word if you're not ready. 

Happy to respond to questions/comments,

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