Friday, February 4, 2011

Why Do Women Blow Up Their Insecurities?

There comes a time in every relationship, when a man realizes the lady he is courting is carrying around a few heavy pounds of baggage behind her back...and the more time he spends with her,  the more he sees the bags drop one by one...and some of them are carrying explosives.

Sound familiar? It probably does...assuming you are dating a real flesh and blood human (blowup dolls are very self assured). If you have been dating for awhile or are in the midst of a relationship, it is very likely that you have come across a couple of insecurities hiding in your woman's closet. Some of you guys find them irritating and some of you might be more supportive, but you still might wonder: Why do women have so many hangups? Doesn't she know she's beautiful? Why do I always have to reassure her? Does she want me to be honest? Why should I be responsible for the way she feels? 

It's understandable why these things can be a burden to a relationship and be the root of a lot of arguments. But let's keep everything in perspective fellas...we deal with your insecurities too.

Underneath that rock hard exterior, we have good grasp of what makes you guys feel insecure, even though you might never say it. We understand that men are insecure about getting older, balding, bedroom performance, income, weight gain etc. And we also see that we have to do very little to comfort your insecurities, because you do a pretty good job of that all on your own! So why can't women do the same?

Likely Hypothesis
As you probably have noticed by now, women have more pressure on them to be "the whole package." I do think that men face this same pressure, but a lot of men's insecurities are not focused on the relationship itself, rather the competition they encounter in their own individual lives. In my own experience, I would say that women have a greater desire to be in a partnership, so a lot of their insecurities are driven toward the relationship front. With this being the case, women feel a greater need to aim for perfection (even though we realize that this is unattainable). We sometimes have irrational fears about our imperfections, because we think it would be a factor in your choice to be with us rather than other women.

Now, assuming your intentions are never to hurt your partner, you might push the wrong buttons sometimes without realizing it, and come off as insensitive. Even the most confident woman wants to know that her man desires her, and there are a number of ways men can do it without saying a word.

Body Insecurities
Now this should really be a no brainer for most guys, because most or all women have some type of hangup about some part of their body. The way you prevent the insecurity from even forming is simple...praise all her physical flaws. From her cottage cheese to her hairy back, she will feel like she's a supermodel if she knows that the thing that worries her most is beautiful in your eyes. Even if you just take a long seductive look at her, it's enough for any woman to feel like she can completely let loose around you... and lowering inhibitions  always makes for good times ;)

But wait a I supposed to lie about how I feel about it?
So let's say your not too crazy about the belly rolls, or the hair above her lip. Shouldn't you voice your concern? To this I say, you definitely can...but don't expect her to feel okay about it. If you absolutely must say something, and you don't want the backlash of an argument later, it's best to be considerate and delicate about it. If it's a weight issue, maybe you resolve to do more outdoor activities and eat healthier and you recruit her as your partner in that. She might be smart enough to realize what you're trying to say, but with this kind of action, you're not simply judging her, but offering her your support by showing that you're willing to go the extra mile too.

And let's be fair, if she's got some issues in a department, you should take a good look at your own flaws before you decide to address hers. A good rule of thumb is if you choose to voice what you really think, don't do it it with kindness and respect and it will be returned to you as well. There's no need to blow up her insecurities more, because odds are, she's blown them up enough.

For the guys that think some physical flaws can be deal breakers, I think you should recognize that your woman has probably forgiven a multitude of your attributes very easily--so why can't you return the same understanding? If you truly can't get past the physical hangups of your woman, the odds are, you're not in love with her, because love is truly blind.

Whew...that was a long one...Thanks for reading!
Opinons and comments welcome! <3
p.s. shout out to mah homie jose for being my model :D

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